Rather dumbfounded I fixated my eyes on the small four-letter word on the screen for a long while. The reason for this prolonged pause of staring was (is) that I have no idea what the word actually means. The irony of this is that the word never presented itself at one particular moment of the chronological bead of strings that is the the course of one's life. One day it was just there. It didn't knock, throb or make any thumping sounds, nor was it bulging or invasive.

Its pledge, was of the utter most mundane. It did not hide in the shadows. It didn't appear to be complex. On the contrary it could be inspected like any mundane everyday object. In its simplest forms it seemed real, unaltered, innocent... normal.

Once I turned, it turned with me. As I evolved, it did likewise. When I moved across space, borders and hierarchies it adapted right there by my side. It was a companion that could be shared with others and an enjoyed at all times. Slaughtered and eaten and feasted upon every night, it was as mundane and wonderful the next day, like this was the most normal of habits. I understood that the four letter word had ostentatious attributes that it could flaunt. Or rather that could be flaunted. It could be stretched, bent, measured and calculated. Like the promiscuous being it is, it can be used in any way the owner of it deems to be fit.

In all its beauty and attributes this ordinary object is not what it seems, it cannot be. It must not! Like a Newtonian invisible force governed by the laws of the universe, it has, just like the moment when it appeared, secretly altered you and and your reality. Alas, all of what you have been doing to it, it has been doing to you. This extraordinary dance of giving and taking has not changed it, as you have changed. It is just as mundane as it first was, but somehow it left you behind. You cannot longer see it. Not knowing how, not understanding why, you cannot help yourself but feel an urgent need to start looking for it and its secrets. But you will not find it, you cannot, because you are not really looking. You question if you even want to know. How sweet is it not to be fooled by something that is out of your control?

Yet, like any good magic trick you are now in the grip of the magician. As you await the big reveal - the prestige, your slowly raise your arms preparing to applaud what is to be brought back. And that's where you are stuck.

You're stuck in a never ending moment of anticipation that this small four letter word will reveal itself for you. Naturally you question if you can bring it back at all? If it is in your reach? Or if it is really up to you at all?Rather dumbfounded I fixated my eyes on the small four-letter word on the screen for a long while. The reason for this prolonged pause of staring was (is) that I have no idea what the word actually means. The irony of this is that the word never presented itself at one particular moment of the chronological bead of strings that is the the course of one's life. One day it was just there. Knocking, it didn't, nor was it bulging or invasive. It didn't knock, throb or make any thumping sounds.

Its pledge, was of the utter most mundane. It did not hide in the shadows. It didn't appear to be complex. On the contrary it could be inspected like any mundane everyday object. In its simplest forms it seemed real, unaltered, innocent... normal.

Once I turned, it turned with me. As I evolved, it did likewise. When I moved across space, borders and hierarchies it adapted right there by my side. It was a companion that could be shared with others and an enjoyed at all times. Slaughtered and eaten and feasted upon every night, it was as mundane and wonderful the next day. I understood that the four letter word had ostentatious attributes that it could flaunt. Or rather that could be flaunted. It could be stretched, bent, measured and calculated. Like the promiscuous being it is, it can be used in any way the owner of it deems to be fit.

In all its beauty and attributes this ordinary object is not what it seems, it cannot be. It must not. Like a Newtonian invisible force governed by the laws of the universe, it has, just like the moment when it appeared, secretly altered you and and your reality. Alas, all of what you have been doing to it, it has been doing to you. This extraordinary dance of giving and taking has not changed it, as you have changed. It is just as mundane as it first was, but somehow it left you behind. You cannot longer see it. Not knowing how, not understanding why, you cannot help yourself but feel an urgent need to start looking for it and its secrets. But you will not find it, you cannot, because you are really not looking. You question if you even want to know. How sweet is it not to be fooled by something that is out of your control?

Yet, like any good magic trick you are now in the grip of the magician. As you await the big reveal - the prestige, your slowly raise your arms preparing to applaud what is to be brought back. And that's where you are stuck.

You're stuck in a never ending moment of anticipation that this small four letter word will reveal itself for you. Naturally you question if you can bring it back at all? If it is in your reach? Or if it is really up to you at all?